The death of Chris Cornell bummed me out. I’m not a huge Linkin Park fan, but Chester Bennington’s death added to the malaise. It wasn’t necessarily due to them being gone, since I didn’t actually know them, and because I love them for their music and both had their best days in that aspect years ago. It was how they went and the reactions some people I know had to their successful suicide attempts. Particularly the way people view depression. 

I’ve had depression in my life since at least early middle school; tween years I suppose. I can understand why some can’t understand depression only because I can’t understand how anybody can not have it. It’s been such a part of my life, and went untreated(at least by actual doctor) for so long that I can’t imagine it not being part of me. When people say they can’t imagine wanting to kill themselves, I often stare at them in disbelief. When they call people selfish for actually following through, I wonder how many temptations that can sometimes flow non-stop in their heads for days and weeks and months at a time they can keep from succumbing to. Some call those with those feelings weak, but I somehow doubt their own willpower has protected them from a stronger feeling. 

I’ve had friends that scoff at other friends for taking meds for their depression, not knowing that I do the same. Strangely enough, some of these friends blame the overdose deaths of their heroes on the world, when I’d bet a great of those addictions started in depression. The starving artist. It’s not just food that a person can starve for. Attention, love, appreciation, acceptance. A person can starve from them too. Guilt, low self-esteem, few friends or family. A person can choke on them until they can’t stomach any of the positive.

I started addressing my depression in my teen years by smoking weed. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have made it out of my twenties without it, maybe even teens. I later began seeing someone I could talk my thoughts out with, and started on the prescription meds. I eventually got to the point I could journal and see my problems instead of having a therapist aid me, but not all can. Therapists are great tools, and it is tragic that some think seeing them deminishes you as a person. If anything, it’s the opposite. I talked to my doctor and got on meds to help me with a lot of the depression that came from no sane place. It took a few tries to get the right one, but I’ve tried to go without it and know as much as I hate taking meds, it’s better than the alternative. 

I wish I could do more for those suffering, but it’s different for each one and there is no one true cure. All you can do is listen, and care.

One thought on “Depress

  1. Heavy topic. Although I have never been diagnosed I have experienced the dark void. I have dealt with it through self medication and extreme exercise. The worst time in my life was the three years I stopped smoking pot. I won’t make that mistake again!

    Like

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