The death of Chris Cornell bummed me out. I’m not a huge Linkin Park fan, but Chester Bennington’s death added to the malaise. It wasn’t necessarily due to them being gone, since I didn’t actually know them, and because I love them for their music and both had their best days in that aspect years ago. It was how they went and the reactions some people I know had to their successful suicide attempts. Particularly the way people view depression.
I’ve had depression in my life since at least early middle school; tween years I suppose. I can understand why some can’t understand depression only because I can’t understand how anybody can not have it. It’s been such a part of my life, and went untreated(at least by actual doctor) for so long that I can’t imagine it not being part of me. When people say they can’t imagine wanting to kill themselves, I often stare at them in disbelief. When they call people selfish for actually following through, I wonder how many temptations that can sometimes flow non-stop in their heads for days and weeks and months at a time they can keep from succumbing to. Some call those with those feelings weak, but I somehow doubt their own willpower has protected them from a stronger feeling.
I’ve had friends that scoff at other friends for taking meds for their depression, not knowing that I do the same. Strangely enough, some of these friends blame the overdose deaths of their heroes on the world, when I’d bet a great of those addictions started in depression. The starving artist. It’s not just food that a person can starve for. Attention, love, appreciation, acceptance. A person can starve from them too. Guilt, low self-esteem, few friends or family. A person can choke on them until they can’t stomach any of the positive.
I started addressing my depression in my teen years by smoking weed. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have made it out of my twenties without it, maybe even teens. I later began seeing someone I could talk my thoughts out with, and started on the prescription meds. I eventually got to the point I could journal and see my problems instead of having a therapist aid me, but not all can. Therapists are great tools, and it is tragic that some think seeing them deminishes you as a person. If anything, it’s the opposite. I talked to my doctor and got on meds to help me with a lot of the depression that came from no sane place. It took a few tries to get the right one, but I’ve tried to go without it and know as much as I hate taking meds, it’s better than the alternative.
I wish I could do more for those suffering, but it’s different for each one and there is no one true cure. All you can do is listen, and care.